23_ Life is a Learning Experience

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23_ Life is a Learning Experience

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Life is a Learning Experience


Journal entry: I’m starting my third year on this world; I can’t believe how quickly the time has passed. Today was spent with Seelnay, Nasse and Sobbash along with their daughters Dawn, Plakia and Saio. We went on an exploration trip of the lagoon. I was along to learn about the area as well, I learned a lot. I’m getting use to the title of ‘Auntie Dai’ though, running around with a seven, eight and a four year old, is giving me more experience with children than I’d ever imagined. It’s also taught me to appreciate children in a way Abh are never taught. Well so much for this entry. Journal exit.

I proof the journal entry and prepare it for encryption. Atosuryua will deliver it to Duhiel when she travels to Hania Prime in two weeks. I have to be very general in my journal entries because there is always the chance someone who hasn’t the right to read them may do so before Duhiel sees them. I’ve seen Duhiel four times since my exile to this world; no, exile is the wrong word.

My reassignment, I like that better, the grand learning experience Lafiel called it. I have learned so much too. I would rate myself as very well versed in matters of the physical, political and philosophical. This world has a very diverse culture so many differing points of view and so many different way of expressing the same thought. I’m beginning to understand what Lafiel meant by I would have a ‘well rounded education’ when I finally joined Duhiel. I’m now studying the history of the Villagers. I was surprised to find them descendants of the mother city’s inhabitants. Things that I’ve seen on this world now make sense. There were so many things I didn’t understand before. Starting with the people Lafiel has surrounded herself with.

We number eleven, those of us who are close to Lafiel. They are; Samson, Sobbash, Risch, Noel, Seelnay, Nasse, Atosuryua, Kufadis, Painiach, Jinto and myself. Scholar, the Council, Doctor Sasoum and Mia are close as well but not as close as the rest of us are. There is a bond between Lafiel and Scholar that I haven’t figured out. Noel has informed me that it is better that I do not try to figure it out. I’ll accept Noel’s explanation and move along.

There is an old saying it says; “You keep your friends close and your enemies a little closer.” Lafiel has those who you could consider enemies. They were the ones, before I arrived, who tried to undermine the government that was established here and send the planet into chaos. They were bold and brash and Lafiel sent them packing along with instructions to their masters not to darken our door again. That was then, lately we have had a more sophisticated group try to upset the system. They were the ones responsible for the ‘almost’ rebellion at the fuel depot about six months ago.

They made one very costly error though. The depot was not run by Lafiel, that was Painiach’s domain and in typical Spoor fashion she squashed the rebellion, and then set the leaders to the Capital in body bags, with the stern warning if there was another attempt the pile of body bags would shock even the most radical at the Capital. Five months ago the Abh High Council issued a directive for our section of space, in laymen’s terms it said this system was off limits, any attempt to alter the government or occupy the system would result in the DEATH penalty.

Although this has stopped the attempts from the Capital, we are constantly on guard. It is well known there are agents, who for the right price would come and try to destabilize our world. I don’t understand the politics completely but it is my belief that those who want to destroy this world are simply jealous of its existence.

*********

“Kufadis, you think it’s wrong to bring the Lashkau to the fuel depot?”

I sat at the navigator’s station I understood completely what she was saying. Yes I though it was wrong to bring a warship back with us but one thing you should understand about Painiach once she has an idea stuck in her head short of sedating her she’ll carry it out.

I was in a quandary, no matter what I said it was going to start an argument which at the moment was something I dearly wanted to avoid. I turned in my chair and faced Painiach once our gazes met she knew what I was thinking and before I could speak she told me so. “Not only do you think its wrong but you’re still upset about the rebellion.”

She was right I was very upset about how she squashed the rebellion. Those people had surrendered to superior forces and Painiach put them to death any way, as a message to the Capital. I turned back to the console and said. “Sord penetration in five minutes your orders Captain?” My display lit up and a direct course to the depot was displayed. There was a notation that we make no contact with the planet. I executed Painiach’s orders, I really had no other choice.

*********
Creunoc’s are programmed to make sure one knows when a general alert is issued. The vibrating and wailing of my device brought stares from those in the Village square. Noel, Sobbash and I were shopping when the message arrived. Sobbash left Saio with Seelnay and the three of us returned to the Residence with no delay.

Jinto was awaiting our arrival and lead us to the main communications room. There Lafiel stood red as a beet, pointing at the latest images from the orbiting satellites that were monitoring the space around the planet. On the display, from the third satellite, was the image of the Lashkau making a direct course towards the fuel depot, later images showed it berthed at the fuel depot.

Lafiel slammed her hand against the conference table and said. “Did any one of you know about this?” We were as stunned as Lafiel was. Painiach, in bringing the Lashkau to this system was in effect drawing a line in space and daring the Empire to cross it. Lafiel’s original agreement with the Empire precluded warships being stationed in this system, the moment the Capital finds out the Lashkau is here… I didn’t want to think any more about that.

“She’s not answering our hails I want Noel and Dai to take a shuttle out there and find out why she’s here … No you to tell her to get the ship back in the Sord before I …”

Lafiel’s anger grew by the moment, the very existence of this system depended on the agreement that we had with the Capital. Painiach had broken that agreement when she berthed the Lashkau at the depot. Jinto, in a move I could only classify as heroic, approached Lafiel in an effort to clam her down. Lafiel on the other hand was only going to become calm after her anger was shed physically.

Lafiel landed one solid hit upon Jinto I moved to intervene and was restrained by Noel and Sobbash. “Let them have at it Dai, search our memories, you’ve seen this before.” I thought long and hard I did see an image from before a time when Noel tried to get in-between them it wasn’t a pleasant memory. I watched still wanting to help but …

Lafiel missed and left her self open Jinto took that mistake to place her in an embrace while swatting her bottom with his free hand. She winced in pain then looked him in the eyes and smiled. “You win, I want to be able to sit this week.” Jinto was wary, Lafiel had tricked him before, this time she wasn’t getting released until he knew for sure she had calmed down. They stood in the embrace for another five minutes then Jinto slowly released Lafiel. She stood looking at him a finger headed to his lip and wiped the blood away.

“Why Jinto, why do you let me hurt you?” Jinto kissed her on the forehead and said. “I’ve tried for years to find you a punching bag, practice android or something similar but you won’t use them. You keep insisting on beating me up. I wonder if this is still your revenge for what I asked you to do on Clasbul.” Lafiel flushed kissed Jinto on the lips, then turned to me and said.

“Dai you’re with me. The rest of you, should Painiach contact you, there will be no mention of my visit.” Lafiel looked at me. “You’ve never dealt with a Spoor before is that correct?”

I nodded I had a natural fear of the clan and after seeing what she did on the depot it only reinforced my convictions concerning the former Admiral. It looked as if my knowledge of the Spoor’s was about to increase I followed Lafiel to the shuttle and set course for the depot.

*********
Once the Lashkau was berthed Painiach made her way to the depot office. I sat on the bridge the short range radar picked up the shuttles departure, a quick scan and I knew who was coming. I made a decision then and there Lafiel would have her surprise visit I would not warn Painiach as was the case when we showed up here. No matter how I did this somebody was going to be angry, however, it was my experience that I could deal with an angry Spoor easier than an angry Ablïarsec.

The shuttle arrive on the dark side of the depot it took Lafiel about five minutes to find Painiach I could hear the words from here. Painiach contacted me, you could still hear Lafiel in the background handing Painiach her head as well. She ordered the ship back to its station and told me to meet her in the depot office. I gave command to the tactical officer and told him to get the ship out of here A.S.A.P.

The Lashkau was leaving its berth as I made my way towards the depot office about fifty meters from the door I could hear Lafiel and Painiach going at it. It wasn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination. I found Commander Lexshu sitting outside the door.

“Be careful Kufadis she’s going to…” I nodded placed my hand on her shoulder and said. “This isn’t the first time she’s been angry with me and I guarantee it won’t be the last.” Commander Lexshu paled as I opened the door.

“About time you showed your face Kufadis, why didn’t you tell me Lafiel was on her way?” I faced Painiach and said. “I used the same logic you used when you prevented me from informing Lafiel of our presence I figured if it was good enough for you it was good enough for her as well.” Painiach turned very red and pointed towards the door. “Get out Kufadis, you’ve done enough, I’ll deal with you later.”

I left, found Commander Lexshu and invited her to join me for coffee. We sat at the depot coffee shop and I tried to converse with her, at first she didn’t seem to be interested, then out of the blue she asked me. “You’re in love with Painiach aren’t you? How can you love someone so… evil?” I was taken aback for a moment, I’ve heard Painiach called many things, most of them very unflattering, but to have another Abh call her evil that set me thinking.

“Commander. Evil is not a word you use lightly when describing Painiach. Ruthless, cruel, heartless, and brilliant, those words fit her in battle but the word evil doesn’t, not in battle, nor in her normal life. I’ve only met one truly evil person in my life and I killed him. Painiach is not evil. I would say that if I didn’t love her as well. What brought you to that conclusion?”

The Commander explained for almost an hour her feelings about Painiach and her definition of evil. I in turn gave her my feelings on what she had said and my definition of evil. The Commander sat and thought things through. She smiled and said. “Evil was a poor choice of words, scary might be better, but after listening to you Kufadis maybe scary with respect would be more accurate.” It was at that moment Painiach found Kufadis and asked him to follow her. They left and Lafiel approached from the side and sat where Kufadis had once sat.

“He’ll be alright Dai. She’s only slightly put out with him. Did you learn anything about the Spoors?”

I nodded and said. “Not only the Spoors, but the Ablïarsec as well. Let it be known I’ll not be your brothers’ punching bag though. Why don’t you try some substitute for hitting Jinto?” Lafiel ordered a cup of coffee we sat for another hour my words had hurt deeper than I could ever imagine. Jinto and Lafiel were more than lovers, they were strangely codependent on one and another. Something I hadn’t seen so far in Duhiel but was it possible that some day Duhiel would want to take his anger out on me? The thought shook me to very roots.

Lafiel picked up on my obvious distress and said. “Lets go home. This is not the place to discuss the subject any further.” It was a long walk to the shuttle it has been a short run earlier but this time speed was not of the essence. We left the depot and returned to the planet. Dinner was waiting upon our arrival. Jinto had outdone himself once again. Note to self, keep the second helpings to a minimum, my clothes are fitting more snuggly than I’d like. I’m afraid to step on a scale though my physical is soon and I guess that’s when the bad news will be revealed.

*********
With the Guardians help our first test of the ‘Star Drive’ was a success. The drive preformed beyond our best expectations. It seems long ago the Guardians used a similar drive system; the main differences are the power source and the sub light drive system. We adapted the power source that the Abh developed and used the normal sub light propulsion unit. The commonality in systems was finally achieved when the Guardian made suggestions on how to integrate the systems. We would have figured it out ourselves but the six months or so that the suggestion saved made the project go much smoother and come in well under budget.

Our next step, now that the remote tests have been completed, will be the manned test, where one of us takes the research vessel to… To where? We now have a vessel capable of FTL travel but where to take it? Somehow a little trip around the galaxy seems a bit frivolous. Samson disturbs my logical thinking with a new problem.

“Looks like we were observed on our last test run. Jinto’s on his way here with the report. He’s not very happy either.”

Our last test, ah yes, that one, haste makes waste I was once told and we hastily made one last run at factor one to get a few more readings. When we retrieved the vessel I saw a radar shadow, at that time I didn’t feel it was anything important but it looks as if I goofed, this error might be a very costly one. Jinto arrived as I finished my thought.

“The Suran’s know the Star Drive works. Your shadow was one of their research vessels, the little sneaks were cloaked. The field generated by the drive disrupted their cloak or we would have never known they were there. I’ve finished talking with their Ambassador they don’t want the drive they just want fifty million credits, a finder’s fee the Ambassador said. Lafiel’s livid, she’s going to pay them, but I strongly suggest we have NO more dealings with them, understand me?”

Samson and I nodded this was blackmail pure and simple. Oh well, such is life in the universe, everyone wants their piece of the action. Jinto left us, I didn’t know if Lafiel was angry at my sloppiness or grateful that my haste gave the Suran’s away. I guess I find out later when we have our weekly dinner, if Lafiel’s angry, she’ll take the occasion to remind me of that and other facts I’m sure of that.

*********
Being governor of this planet, is sometimes, the most thankless of positions. First Painiach decides to bring her pet to the depot. Then the Suran blackmails us after they spy on our research. Risch, although he didn’t follow protocol probably accelerated what would have been a real blindsiding, as long as I draw in breath we will NEVER do business with that race or any of their agents, period.

Even though I really bawled Painiach out, she did lend the government the fifty million credits ransom to appease the Suran. I am very disgusted with this situation. I knew going in the Suran were in this for the money but I thought we could pedal part of the technology to pay the bills. That’s not going to happen we’ve stumbled upon a drive that would revolutionize space travel as we know it and right now I plan on sitting on it. This galaxy’s not ready for our discovery, not yet, that is.

Dai really got to me, she’s right I’ve got to find another way to vent my anger it’s not fair that Jinto be my punching bag. Not fair at all. Seelnay and Nasse are on their way to my office I plan on notifying them of our terminating the contract with the Suran and my desire never to do business with them or their agents again. Atosuryua has also been notified of my decision although I believe she’s also figured out the real reason the Suran were dumped. The Baroness of Febdash is no dummy in matters like this. She knows if she comes across a Suran vessel in distress, she can offer minimal assistance but nothing more. We owe them no more, but I’ll not let innocents die either. Seelnay and Nasse are here its time to lay down the law.

*********
Plakia, Dawn and Saio are exploring the garden. I’m watching them while Seelnay and Nasse talk with Lafiel. Saio has gotten past her shaky beginnings and has grown into a healthy although precocious child. She found Plakia and Dawn difficult at first, but as she grew, they’ve become three sisters; there is no other way to describe it.

Children can be very observant almost too observant. Case in point, recently the girls were playing dress up, Plakia and Dawn were already working on each others appearances when Saio arrived. She joined in and while brushing her hair Dawn asked. “I don’t understand, my hair looks like my mom’s so does Plakia’s, your mom’s got real pretty blue hair and your dad’s is brown, so how did you end up with straight black hair?” Saio shrugged her shoulders and said something about Abh genetics and let it go… Until that evening…

“Mom how come I don’t look like either you or dad while Plakia and Dawn resemble their parents?” I was expecting this question in another few years but here it faced me I wondered how a four year old would react to being told she was adopted. I was readying myself to explain how Samson and I became Saio’s parents when Samson walked through the door. Saio hit him point blank with the same question. The three of us had a long conversation I have to admit I’m very surprised at how Saio took it. She is wise beyond her years.

The next day the girls were playing and Saio decided to explain her differences. I overheard most of the conversation she did a masterful job and fielded those questions posed by the other two girls. What I thought was going to be a traumatic experience actually turned into a further bonding between those three. That evening Seelnay and Nasse came by we had a little chat. Seelnay explained as Nasse quietly chuckled, it seems Saio so impressed the girls that they went home and told their mothers it was okay for them to adopt more children for them to play with.

Once finished Seelnay was still stunned, a side note, after Ku’s death Seelnay said she was going to raise Dawn on her own and as far as she was concerned, Ku was her first and only love. Eight years is a long time Seelnay has changed her outlook, she realizes one day Dawn will be grown up, gone and she’ll be all by herself. She’s been looking for about six months. A fact that hasn’t escaped Dawn’s observance either, add in this revelation about adopting a sibling, and it caught Seelnay flat-footed she had no other response but ‘we’ll talk about this later’.

Nasse on the other hand had a better go with Plakia, seeing Plakia is the third of three children her older brothers live on the planet and work in the village. Plakia doesn’t need any more siblings well at least as far as her mother is concerned.

My turn was last; Seelnay asked directly if Samson and I were planning on adopting more children. I told them we had explored several other choices besides adoption. The Guardian has a wealth of medical knowledge that only now Mia and her staff were fully discovering.

Then there was the Abh option, using a gestation chamber and having our own child. Not to say Saio isn’t our own but in this way Samson could get the son he’s always desired, something about carrying on the family name. Okay for me that doesn’t make any sense because I didn’t come from royalty they seem the only ones concerned with maintaining the name line through male offspring. That even has its problems because thanks to the competition the Abh hold to find the next ruler both males and females have equal chance so a male is not need to rule just carry on the family name. Weird.

The conversation then turned to talk, the subject of children went by the wayside, and was replaced with the weather, trade agreements and the like. After they left, I sat thinking about the first child, the one that never had a chance to be. Samson found me in the hot house tending to the plants, tears streaming down my face. I told him of the evenings events and we spent till dawn discussing the subject of another child. At this time we are still undecided but my mind is a little more at peace than it was earlier. I make Saio breakfast and Samson takes her to Nasse’s for the day. As they leave I look around the cottage it’s too quite but I need sleep so I wander to the sofa and sleep there.

*********
I dropped Saio off at Nasse’s and head for the workshop. Walking through the door Risch notices my definite lack of sleep and says. “Another rough night huh, was it Sobbash or Saio this time?” I related the evening events to him then asked my loaded question. “So how soon are you and Noel going to become parents?” On the whole Risch normally dodges the question but this time he had an answer that, well, I wasn’t expecting.

“I thought we were ready, over the winter, Noel was giving me the indication that children were a subject she wanted to discuss in detail. That was until about a month ago, we were in the Village at the harvest festival. She spied a young one, I would guess she was about year old, barely walking, she staggered over to Noel and Noel bent down to face her. Without warning the little one spit up in her face. Noel rose slowly, borrowed my kerchief, cleaned her face and moved off at a good clip. Since that incident there have been no more ‘children’ discussions.”

I placed my hand on Samson’s shoulder. He looked up, smiled as I said. “I know the clocks ticking but unlike you, being Abh if she waits another fifty years she’ll still be able to…” Samson’s look paled, I had made a thoughtless statement and when I went to try to apologize Samson left the room. I found him sitting outside staring at the sky.

“I was very angry when the Abh modified Jinto. Unless something out of the normal befalls him he’ll live as along as Lafiel does. Sobbash, Noel, Saio and you will all outlive me. I am the last of my family line I was hoping Sobbash and I would have had a male child of our own by now, some one to carry on the family line, but, Saio, I wouldn’t trade her for the world and more children I don’t know, I’m beginning to feel my age I don’t know if I want another child. My father died when I was very young but he died knowing I was healthy and would carry on the family line a line that’s continued unbroken for six hundred years.”

Samson continued to stare off into space, I felt very helpless. In a way I had started this conversation with my unthinking response, right now I couldn’t think of any words that wouldn’t hurt so I remained silent. Samson wasn’t finished he looked off towards the island and continued.

“In the grand scheme of things, I’m considerably older than Sobbash, given our life spans, and our relative ages. She surpasses me in numbers but in time left I pale to her markedly. You could say she’s about half my age, all things considered. Noel’s a few years older than you is that correct?”

She’s five years older, but that’s not a big difference as far as Abh are concerned. Usually when the numbers get to be around fifty to sixty years depending on whose older then eye brows get raised but only slightly. I know of a couple she was eighty years his junior they had several children then parted ways as is normal for our race. This staying with one person till death parts them is a hard concept for Abh’s to grasp.

I’ve studied Jinto’s home world and its traditions I’ve looked at Samson’s world too. They have differences, but the one overriding tradition is the tradition of marriage something I find hard to comprehend. Noel was indifferent when Lafiel married Jinto. To her nothing has changed between them and I have to agree. I guess it’s because they have been together for so long Jinto wanted to be married to give their relationship some legitimacy at least in his eyes. I answered Samson’s question. He stood up and walked back into the shop. We had very few words the balance of the day.

*********
It’s been three years since we revived the Guardian’s race I figured by now they would number in hundreds yet the number less than seventy-five. There is a strange male female ration too, close to sixty-three percent of the population is female I always figured that a fifty-fifty balance would be in order. We are fifty-three, forty-seven female dominate at the moment.

But that’s only the surface when it comes to the Guardian; let me explain, we are allowed no direct contact with them. I can’t hop in a shuttle and go up there or open a link to communicate with them that is forbidden. We have two couriers that reside in the Village anything we need from the Guardian we submit them our request, one of them travels to the north and returns with the answer.

Also everything is written, no video or audio notes. It took almost six months to find a common language as well, a language which I still have problems completely understanding. We of the Village and the Abh have a common heritage we both share a technical language in which abstract ideas can be easily expressed. The Guardian on the other hand uses a romantic language, it’s almost impossible to express complex ideas in such a language but, we are also allowed to include attachments in the Guardians original dialect, a very technical oriented language, to explain ideas that their chosen language is incapable of expressing.

Needless to say we spend a lot of time reading probably too much but the information we have gotten from the Guardian has expanded our knowledge by at least a century if not more. Not only were they advanced in the sciences but their medical knowledge is, for lack of better words is, mind boggling. They freely practiced genetic modification to a level undreamed of by our standards. The cybernetic implants and cybernation they have done, so much of it I’ll never understand fully, those topics interest my mother and Doctor Sasoum.

I’m interested in their body maintenance programs they were growing replacement organs and skeletal parts. Then there is the cell-by-cell reconstruction project repairing the body at the cell level. So many fascinating possibilities I find myself not wanting to sleep, the documents are better than any story I’ve ever read, they leave me wanting to know how the story goes what the final conclusion is. In time I think I’ll be able to cure all the ills we presently have, as the Great Spirit would have deemed proper.

*********
Dai it is my hope this message arrives before you get formal notification from Central Command. You’ve been permanently replaced, up until now I’ve had an open first officer position, and it has been filled. Admiral Rulef’s former chief of staff has been transferred, (demoted with prejudice) to be my first officer. She acted alone and without orders, recently a convoy of rebel supplies were intercepted, while the convoy surrendered to her forces one rogue ship opened fire upon her there was minimal damage and she vaporized the entire convoy in retaliation I guess its the Spoor in her make up. Rulef had her confined to quarters and Central Command is sending her to me. More about this later, I need to get this message to Atosuryua before she leaves.

*********
Before me is the priority message Atosuryua sent. I’ve decoded it and verified it. Jinto has gone into the village to bring Dai back she’s going to be… I’m not sure how she’ll react, but as for myself, I’m very upset, in recorded history never have two candidates for the Jade Throne been assigned to one ship, especially in a Captain, First Officer arrangement.

Duhiel has a golden opportunity afforded to him. He can once and for all put her in her place as an inferior being and become the lead candidate for Emperor, yet I wonder if her assignment there is a way to get Duhiel out of the competition. Duhiel is going to be tested in a way I don’t think anyone has before, of course the same can be said for his transferee she’s being thrown into a competition that, considering her jousting skills and treachery, my brother better watch his back. Jinto has found Dai they will be here shortly. I dim the display and leave the room I’ll meet them outside and tell Dai of Duhiel’s message. She’ll want to be alone, that I’m fairly sure of.

*********
We are fully loaded and on our way back to Shahrazad. I’ve transmitted Duhiel’s message to Lafiel as requested. As we were leaving, just before Sord entry, a lone shuttle appeared. As protocol dictated I scanned the vessel, what the scan showed along with the message I just sent off leads me to believe there will be great anger when I arrive back at the planet. I know this woman, she at one time applied to be on board the same ship as Lafiel. I know about Lafiel’s history with her and the injuries Lafiel carries because of her treachery. I’ve met Duhiel several times, the conversations we’ve had lead me to believe he’s nothing like his sister, which might be good or bad, depending on how he handles the contents of the shuttle. We arrive at the planet three days from Sord entry; I have three days to relax.

*********
I’ve read Duhiel’s message somehow it wasn’t unexpected I knew someone at Central Command was keeping Duhiel and I apart, although sending her to be my replacement has angered me. My biggest fear is that they will either do one or the other in, or take each other out of the competition. I doubt they will become friends in fact I doubt they’ll speak outside of what their duties would require them to. I’m returning to the clinic it’s time for my physical I’ve decided to walk from the pad instead of riding I could use the exercise and the release of anger I presently contain.

I’m back at the clinic there are seven waiting along with me. One young couple has a little boy with them. I figure him to be around three or four years old. He doesn’t want to see the doctor in fact he has suggested being anywhere else but here. The parents have taken turns escorting him outside to try to calm him down but it is not working. My name is called and I follow the nurse to an exam room.

While I’m being checked out and the appropriate scans and samples collected I hear the young man being escorted to an exam room he still sounds very wary of being here. I’m moved from the exam room to a room where I can run on the treadmill. Mia has all those of Abh heritage run a comprehensive exam, it’s understandable because we are native to space not a gravity bound world. She’s looking for any subtitle changes which might dictate problems down the road. She marvels at our development, even though it was engineered, she still likes some of our differences.

I’m moved to the final scanning room as I pass the exam rooms I hear our young man leaving he says it wasn’t a big deal after all and hopes he’ll still get ice cream. His parents show the strain of his recent actions but later on I do see him in the square, ice cream cone in hand as if nothing ever happened. I wish I could forget things as fast as he has. Mia will send me a report in a couple of days, I already know one part of it I have gained a few extra pounds I don’t need, outside of that I hope I’m healthy.

*********
Not only did Atosuryua bring everything on the list she also managed a few extras. As we were returning from the dock she stopped, glanced around to make sure we were alone, removed a data crystal from around her neck, handed it to me and said.

“Duhiel sought me out this time he gave me the message I transmitted and instructed me to give this to you in private. Lafiel you know I’ve tried not to pry, but, I can sense something has happened, that, if I’m still to act as courier between you and Duhiel I should know what’s going on.”

I placed the crystal around my neck and tucked it into the top of my tunic. I started towards the Residence explaining to Atosuryua what I knew and asked her impressions of what she saw, what was said, and Duhiel’s general condition as she knew it. We spent about an hour discussing the subject before she left for the Village to acquire the Councils next ‘shopping list’. She’ll spend several days here, and then be off once again to roam the galaxy trading goods and materials. Ah, the life of a merchant, one day I’ve promised myself I’ll venture out and see what it’s all about. Of course Jinto will be with me, well, he better be with me.

*********
Physical exams, I loathe them, the scanning, poking, prodding at least this year Mia is doing mine I don’t have to listen to my mothers constant running commentary on my general condition. I’m sitting in the waiting area my turn should come shortly. Sitting next to me is a pregnant woman, not being a judge of how far along she was I asked. It turns out she’s about eight months, due in twenty eight days she states proudly. Then she takes note of my physique and asks if I had children. I answered no and without warning she takes my hand and places it on her stomach. I’m greeted with a rather strong kick. I withdraw my hand and hear laughter from the woman.

“She’s very active today I hope I didn’t scare you?” I would assume her comment was from the facial expression I had, which I had no idea of what I looked liked, but curiosity took over I asked if I could touch the baby once again. She took my hand and placed it on the baby I could feel movement it felt like she was trying to escape her confinement. Finally I felt a sharp kick and the woman excused her self and headed to the restroom. I found out later that was a common occurrence in late term pregnancy baby kicks start bodily functions without much warning. I wonder if I would suffer the same events should I become…

“Noel, Noel?” Mia’s voice brought me back into the room. “Daydreaming again?” I didn’t answer instead I stood up and followed Mia to an exam room it was there we discussed my apparent daydreaming. “Children, you’re thinking about having one or some? My answer was uncertain; Mia asked me to disrobe and placed me on a long table. She moved a scanner and placed it in proximity to my abdomen then proceeded to scan me thoroughly.

“Well you seem healthy enough. Your physique shouldn’t interfere with a normal delivery. Have you started the therapy to prepare yourself?” I sat up on the table and faced Mia. “Not so fast I was inquiring about the possibility of having children I didn’t say I was going to run out and start trying right away.”

My words gave me away I had seriously explored the possibility of having a child yet I was also petrified, I felt I wouldn’t be a good mother I couldn’t handle the responsibility. Panic started to set in the same panic I’ve felt every time I’ve had the bottle of little blue pills in my hand. I once had the bottle open a pill in hand and almost to my mouth when I chickened out I’ve not made it to that point since. Normally, I hold the bottle, think about the prospect of having a child and sit the bottle back on the shelf.

“You know you Abh’s have it good.” Mia’s words brought a blank stare from me and Mia explained. “Birth control via genetic engineering, what a novel concept, you can practice ‘free love’ without the unwanted pregnancy then when your ready you take a few pills have a child and start the cycle again.”

I informed Mia the reasons for our ‘birth control’ as she called it. She understood and still stood by her words. “Look Noel it’s been twelve hundred years since your generation ships roamed the stars, face the facts once you were a settled race the genetic do could have been undone don’t you agree?” I had no answer for her my mind was in turmoil Mia sensed this finished her exam and let me leave without any further discussion of the subject.

I almost stopped at Sobbash’s on the way home thought better and sought out Lafiel. We had a ‘girl’ talk that lasted a couple of hours I’m still quite confused. I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, pill bottle in hand contemplating my next move when I hear Risch approaching. I put the bottle away and greet him; we talk about a lot of things this evening I sleep, but not very well.

*********
Duhiel’s data crystal sits on the table I’ve finished viewing its contents after Jinto left this morning. I’m glad I waited because the first thing was a request that Jinto not see the contents of this and I should destroy it after thoroughly viewing it. I pick the crystal up and place it around my neck; it’s still warm from being in the reader but it not as hot as the data it contains. Duhiel has violated his agreement with the High Council and Central Command by sending me this crystal, at first I was quite angry with him for doing so yet the information he sent combined with what Atosuryua has gleaned while in her travels leads me to believe that the government my Grandmother and Kenesh have formed has become very fragile.

Grandmother controls the families, for the moment and Kenesh has Central Command in her pocket, that’s why no one has tried to oust them. With Star Forces completely loyal to Kenesh no one in their right mind would try a coup d'état although Duhiel identifies those who no longer seem in their correct senses. There is a warning concerning his new first officer and instruction for me to follow in case… Duhiel don’t do anything stupid. Remember your training remember we need you to govern not rot in a prison on some remote hunk of rock.

It’s time for my physical I went first last time and everyone else has had theirs with the exception of Sobbash I’m meeting her at the dock and we are going into the Village together. Glancing at my creunoc I realize I’m keeping Sobbash waiting and make a run to the dock. I arrive to find Sobbash staring at me.

“Lafiel you need not run because of me, you know how I loathe physicals I was hoping you had forgotten so I could have gone back...”

Lafiel got a look upon her face I’d not seen since the Basroil days that extremely determined look she had right before battle. We hopped in the hover car and made our way to the village not much was said along the way but Lafiel’s facial expression didn’t change either I knew something was bothering her but I hesitated to inquire as to the why. Lafiel left me off at the front door to the hospital and placed the hover car next to her office. In the time it took her to park the car and come inside Doctor Sasoum already had me in an exam room. We didn’t see each other until the exam was over.

“Sobbash are you hungry?”

That was a really silly question we had both been fasting, I don’t know about Lafiel but I could eat a… well I’d like to eat a, but I also need to watch my weight Doctor Sasoum said, but food, yes food.

“I’m starving Lafiel where should we go?”

There is an open air restaurant just south of the hospital, it’s a short walk which for me increased my appetite to the point I was willing to put aside the diet Doctor Sasoum had prescribed well for a moment because in sitting down I remembered I don’t need to eat to feel good any more, what I need is exercise and a sensible diet. I was proud of myself and Lafiel too. We ate very sensibly I’ll bet Mia read her the ‘you need to lose weight too’ paragraph. We finished and Lafiel said.

“Sobbash before we go back care to take a walk with me?”

One thing nice about having a good memory, you know when you should say yes to a request. Lafiel and I took a walk it reminded me of those times in the Star Forces where she wanted to discuss something important, let me explain Lafiel is what you call a walker, she needs to be moving when she’s trying to express a complex idea or thought.

We walked towards the industrial side of the Village in its own way it was like engineering aboard ship never loud enough to be deafening but loud enough to mask a close personal conversation. In the hour and a half we spent walking and talking Lafiel shared with me what Duhiel had sent her with the instructions that no one else know of this conversation. It felt like the old days, where Lafiel with a seeming insurmountable problem would seek out my advice and council although this time I did a lot of listening and not much talking. She stopped walking, finished talking and faced me.

“Sobbash this one, unlike the other times, I can do little about except brace for what may never happen. Do you agree?”

I nodded then said.

“This situation has all the ingredients to become a disaster of Empire shaking proportions. What I’d like to know is how much does Ramaj and Kenesh know about what Duhiel has told you, part of me feels they know little if anything at all…”

Lafiel stopped me and said.

“I know Sobbash, I know, you state the obvious, now my friend tell me your gut feelings on the matter at hand and what you think I should or shouldn’t do about it.”

Lafiel’s done this to me before so it wasn’t unexpected however in the past I’ve always had an answer, this time I was as confused as she was, doubly so because unlike her I had no practical experience with the royal family at all. She had the answers to most of her questions in her upbringing, something I had no information about. I took a deep breath let it out slowly faced Lafiel and said.

“For part of this you’re going to have to tell me what you’re going to do, I can’t help you with your family that’s beyond my scope of knowledge. As far as the politics of the problem I say we keep and open eye and ear on the pulse of the Empire and be prepared to act at a moment’s notice that may include having Painiach return the Lashkau to the system…”

Lafiel’s explosion was predictable the mention of the Lashkau set it off she gave me an ear full of reasons why that was the worst thing we could do and after she had her say I said.

“The orbital platform is good but not that good, Lafiel if it becomes necessary to defend the planet we’ll need outside help a lot of outside help. But before that time depending on how this all plays out you’re going to have to confide in Painiach you can’t blindside her unless you want to lose everything we have…”

Normally aboard ship when I would hit Lafiel with my opinion I always was in reach of something I could use as a defensive device just incase she really blew her top. This time we were in a field adjacent to the main power plant and I had just hit all the nerves in the wrong order but I was not going to back down either. Lafiel sensed this and found a broken branch; she proceeded to smash it to pieces against a large tree probably from which it fell originally. Fifteen minutes later the branch was destroyed and Lafiel was completely exhausted. She sat down and quietly sobbed I knelt down next to her.

“I’m sorry Lafiel you asked my opinion and I …”

Lafiel stopped me she gazed into my eyes, pointed at the broken branch and said.

“Sobbash that could have should have been you lying there, but you have Dai to thank for it not happening that way. You are correct as much as I don’t want to accept the fact should planetary defense become necessary we’ll have to bring Painiach in on this, I’ll have to listen to her crowing and strutting around but we’ll deal with that when the time come which I personally hope is never. Sobbash help me up will you?”

I stood up and grabbed a hold of Lafiel she was soaked and fairly weak I knew from past experiences her angry out burst would leave her drained but this time she must have been just short of unconsciousness because I ended up helping her back to the hover car and driving us back to the Residence. Lafiel fell asleep as soon as she entered the car and I drove home slowly thinking about what was said. She managed to get to the Residence on her own and I went back to the cottage I did a lot of thinking and soul searching. Here I was in a position which I promised myself I would never allow myself to get put into. I knew things I couldn’t freely share with Samson. I’m really uncomfortable about all of this but I’ll manage I always have in the past.

*********
I find Lafiel passed out on the sofa in the living room. Her clothes are a mess her hands are dirty and bruised. Part of me wants to wake her and find out who was on the receiving end of this apparent emotional outburst. The message light on the com console attracts my attention. The message is from Sobbash it says leave Lafiel alone and come over. I do as Sobbash requested and the ensuing conversation leaves me wondering just what Dai said to Lafiel to make her take her anger out on an inanimate object.

I leave Sobbash’s knowing good and well there was more that she wanted to say but Lafiel had sworn her to secrecy, I’ve seen it before and I’ll not press Sobbash or Lafiel for an explanation, not now, depending on what goes on I may have to inquire but right now I’ll leave it between the two of them. I’ve learned if Lafiel wants to keep something from you, she’ll tell no one about it, but if she want you to know something’s going on but not have you worry she’ll confide the news in someone. Now I know there’s a problem she can’t discuss at the moment and I’ll not press her, but to choose Sobbash that indicates it is a serious problem something she needed to discuss with an old friend. I’m not upset about this either, its Lafiel’s way and I’ve learned to live with it.

*********
The sun is in my eyes, is it sunrise or sunset? Glancing at my creunoc on my desk I see it is sunset and it’s still the same day my upper body is telling me I’ve gone completely overboard this time. I wonder out the door approach the overlook and watch the sunset. The sky, this evening, is a bright red, a red that matches my present feelings. I’ve wondered if… I know Dai is not anything like my mother, but if she is, then… but I know she’s not… I quietly curse the United Mankind for taking my mother from me.

The sunset is at it’s peak about now, the colors remind me of a… the anger wells inside of me I want to go forth, to space, to find any of those responsible for Plakia’s death and end their life in a most horrible way. Dai is right. I’m ill, my emotions are disturbed more than the average Abh’s are. Mia made an offer awhile back its time I take her up on it. The next thing I know I’m on the hover cycle almost to the Village.

*********
I watched as Lafiel made her way to the overlook and watched the sunset. Since she walked past my door and said nothing I assumed I wasn’t needed. The report from home started to attract my undivided attention so the next thing I knew the hover cycle was roaring away from the residence. Normally I wouldn’t worry but this time Lafiel’s helmet sat in her office and it would be dark shortly I had no idea where she was going although she left in the direction of the Village.

I rolled my creunoc to my lips and called for her. Her creunoc was on her desk, it responded, but its owner was nowhere to be found. I waited until I could no longer stay awake. Sunrise greeted me and Lafiel wasn’t here. She has never gone off before leaving everything here. I’ll go into the Village and see if they’ve seen her. If not I’ll report her missing and start a search which will be difficult since her creunoc is sitting on her desk…

Lafiel you’ve never run off like this before… Experience dictates I should have gone looking for you as soon as you left but, oh Lafiel I hope you’re safe if my inaction has caused you…

I look around me there is nothing that dictates my being here, Risch answers my call I inform him of what has happened. He says as soon as Noel awakens they’ll head for the shuttle if needed. I leave worried for the first time since I met Lafiel I hope she’s in the Village…

To be continued in: To know ones self…

"Ah! You don't know my name?
Its very simple, Lafiel you shall say.
In return I'd like to call you Jinto."


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